AUTISTICS ANONYMOUS

Saturday I had dinner with my friend who disclosed his recent "diagnosis of Asperger’s" where he detailed how this unfolded.

He asked questions, seeking understanding about the Autism Spectrum Disorder, and where exactly Asperger’s fit in the spectrum. I gave him my analogy about a spectrum of colors and shades.

I then asked him how people, including himself, felt about this news. He said something that, unfortunately, didn’t surprise me. He said he felt some people were embarrassed because of it...

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Adjusting to having a child, or even yourself, with a disability (disorder, delay, or any form of 'ism) is a process, not an event. People aren’t perfect, and yes, it will take time, some times a long time, to adjust initial feelings, which might even include embarrassment. Other emotions that you might face are,

Shock

You may find it very difficult at first to grasp that your child has a disability. Preconceived stereotypes of people with intellectual impairment or mental illness may not match what we see.

Denial

This is a psychological defense mechanism that rears its ugly head when we feel overwhelmed and unable to handle difficult situations. Denial often comes from fear.

Anxiety

Acknowledging the reality of the disability may lead to feeling anxious. Anxiety is the body’s way of responding to fear and mobilizing resources.

Guilt

Belief in a perfect world sometimes produces unwarranted guilt. The downside of this belief is that when something does hurt us, we tend to feel we are somehow to blame.

Sadness and Grief

You may feel grief over the loss of what you may have envisioned as an ideal family. Indeed, you may have to re-frame your definition of an ideal family.

Anger

Raising a child with a disability can give you a close view of the cruel side of life.

As you face the whirlpool of emotions that may surround the diagnosis of a loved one, you will want need to find your own spiritual meaning and not allow others to impose their answers of why these things happened. It may take years to fully understand what is happening to your family, and sometimes the answer doesn’t come in this life, but assuredly it will come.

One of the first things you can do, however, is to accept it. Certainly I do not mean to suggest that you should take the first conclusion. Second, third and occasionally fourth opinions are essential. But, there comes the time when the result is the result and no matter how many times you look from a different angle it is what it is.

I have observed those who live in a state of denial, those who frantically search for some other test result to wipe out all the previous negative ones, and those who simply stomp their feet and blame God for this punishment. Don't spend the rest of your life wishing things were different, or yearning for something that won't be. Live fully in the present. You are still you and life is still worth living.

This doesn't mean don't seek out treatments or therapies, I'm only speaking of acceptance here. Moderation, however, is still required as those too are sought out. Avoid extremism and seek balance.

This may not mean much, but please know, I do understand. From somebody who has been down this road, you eventually need to look for the ramp marked "acceptance," and the sooner the better.

For me, acceptance is the lens that gives perspective and enriches my life. It provides me with peace. Acceptance, however, does not always mean things are perfect. It does provide the ability to find the mind cleansing, rehabilitating humor, and inspiration in it all--no it doesn't have to take twelve steps to get to that point in your life, but there are some characteristics that are just too good to ignore, like personalized self-admission:

Hi, my name is Jeff, and my son has autism.

There, now you try . . .

Answers May Come Slowly, But They Do Come...

I once posted this thought:

During a recent get-together, a very dear friend made a comment, which taken at face value appeared blatantly callous-to say the least. He said, and I'm paraphrasing here, "Everybody deals with a wayward child at some point in their life, and you can find plenty of scripture stories to help with that, but there are no scripture stories about having a special needs child like you have!"

It's a matter of fact, there aren't any scripture stories that I know of that instruct us on raising special needs children...

Well, that was two years ago, and things change.

This past Wednesday, while visiting with our missionaries, we were discussing the scriptures. We were sharing favorites, and swapping thoughts, when my wife asked if either of them knew a scripture which dealt with raising a special needs child. At first the Elders seemed stumped, then Elder Halligan said, "the only thing that is coming to mind is the phrase about the work of God being manifest."

We turned quickly to the index and searched for a few key words. We found it.

John 9: 1-3 (emphasis added)

And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

Shortly after the missionaries left I received a call from a close friend. During our phone conversation my friend disclosed that they had recently been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (a disorder on the Autism Spectrum).

During our conversation my friend described the recent discovery on why they suffer from severe migraines. One symptom of their Asperger's is a Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) that makes them hypersensitive to stimulation. This sensory defensiveness, as it is sometimes called, can include such things as feeling pain from clothing rubbing against skin, an inability to tolerate normal lighting in a room, a dislike of being touched and discomfort when one looks directly into the eyes of another person. For my friend the pain is caused, among other things, by the over stimulation of the brain as they work on complex mathematical problems, like quantum physics, and noise generated from crowds or groups of people.

By applying newly discovered techniques, my friend has been able to reduce their pain (on a scale from 1 to 10) from an intense 8 to a much more acceptable 2. Now that they are nearly pain free, my friend has an empathetic desire to understand the pain in other people who suffer from SPD, and discover ways in which they may help them reduce the pain, if not purge it all together. 

I have thought over these two discussions for the past few days. This evening I came across a sermon by James E Faust from 1984. It was an answer to prayer.

Elder Faust began his comments by saying,

With a prayer in my heart for understanding, and with some timidity, I speak today concerning parents and children with special problems. I do so because I am persuaded that these extraordinary challenges are, as the Savior himself said, that “the works of God should be made manifest.” (John 9:3.) How these challenges are met can often be the expression of the very essence of the gospel of Christ...

He spoke of the challenges families and individuals face, provided several examples of how the works of God are manifest in the lives of special needs individuals, and how it is our test, not theirs, to face their challenges in a compassionate way. 

He then concluded with a thought, which I offer to my friend and those who suffer with a disability, those who have family members who do, and those who provide care for them:

The works of God are manifest in so many ways... For those who have asked, “Why did this happen to me?” or, “Why did this happen to my child?” there is assurance that the difficulty will not last forever. Life on this earth is not long. Caring...is a manifestation of the pure love of Christ. For those who carry such a challenge in this life, God himself provides a response. That response is patience and the strength to endure. It lies...“in hope of eternal life, … promised before the world began” (Titus 1:2)

We Interrupt This Programing...

For the next thirty seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Autism Spectrum Disorder. This is only a test. 

The ASD, in involuntary cooperation with ADHD, Sensory Processing (Hypo-sensitivity) Disorder, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, have developed this system to keep you at your wits end during puberty.

If this had been an actual hormonal emergency, the long screeching sound on the alert--which sounds characteristically like the sound you made when you first discovered the problem--would have been followed by a very heavy guttural sigh. 

Following the heavy sigh, you would have been instructed that banging your head against a concrete wall is pointless. Questions asked of any person regarding this emergency would have been met with a look of bewilderment following by excessive him-hawing as the people look for the nearest exit to avoid the conversation any longer than is necessary.

This station, and local affiliates, serve the greater Autism spectrum. 

This concludes only delays further tests of the Autism Spectrum Disorder.

We now return you to your "regular" programming...