Crouching Tiger, Holy Cow!
Yoga, with its powerful techniques for creating a sense of inner peace, harmony, and clarity of mind, is absolutely relevant to the modern world...Given the increasing pace and conflict present in modern life, with all its resulting stress, one could say that yoga has become an essential tool for survival, as well as for expanding the creativity and joy of our lives. Bhole Prabhu
As a way of coping I have developed, maybe invented, but certainly not perfected, a few new Yoga poses. These help me reduce my stress and keep my youthful appearance while facing the challenges of raising a special needs child.
To get the most from the techniques, these are best performed following a meltdown, episode, or embarrassing experience.
The Look
Slowly close your eyes, slightly tilt your head back and take a slow and deliberate deep breath. Since your eyes are closed and nobody can see, roll them deeply into the back of your head looking for an escape route which for some reason is always blocked off, and then begin singing in your mind the lyrics, ‘Welcome to my world, won’t you come on in…’
This pose is a necessity for everyday harmony. It’s my way to ‘engage the mechanism,’ much like Costner’s character does in 'For Love of the Game'. It actually works. Trust me I do it several times a day, every day.
Crouching Tiger, Holy Cow!
This pose requires two people. It can be accomplished if both people are relatively calm, but brings greater enlightenment if one happens to be in the throes of a meltdown.
First, situate yourself on the ground, couch, chair, or a bed, taking hold of your animated partner in a bear hug, wrapping your legs around theirs so they are in the fetal position. This should—should being the operative word—ensure that you don’t get kicked in sensitive areas.
While holding the grapple, exchange deep pressure hugs with your partner. Customarily you may need to initially coax the hugs from your partner by saying such things as, ‘I need a hug,’ ‘Is that all you’ve got, I need a hug,’ etc.
As the hugs are exchanged, move spontaneously and actively with the squirming movement of your partner, consuming their energy in the process. The motility of this pose may last anywhere from 2 minutes to 30 minutes in duration.
Greater enlightenment can be reached as you juggle the burden of hugging with the overwhelming need to flee the screaming in your ears—the ringing should go away after an hour.
This pose can be modified and performed in a moving car, at the mall, or toy aisle at the department store. However, such exercises should be left to experts, and you should anticipate that somebody called the police on you.
The Poker Face
aka: The Train Wreck or The Dumpster Fire
The pose is done by holding your face in your hands, while deeply rubbing your eyes and temples with the tips of your fingers. While doing this slowly shake your head from side to side.
Hold this pose until you see the humor of it all! Relax, that realization should come quickly.
WARNING: If the pose does not bring relief quickly, cheerfully transition your pose to Crying on the Inside.
Crying on the Inside
This pose is a modification of The Look.
With your eyes open, form your lips into a grimacing smile, while sensing the pit in your stomach that is building to a crescendo is about to erupt. Deep breaths, taken in through the nose are repeated, and the pose is held until you remember that you are the parent of a special needs child!
When the thought arrives, keep holding the pose until the realization of that thought dawns; YOU are the parent of a SPECIAL needs child!
Once that thought appears, take one last deep breath, and release. You should immediately feel the grimacing smile melt away to a prayer of thanks!
To get the most from the techniques, these are best performed following a meltdown, episode, or embarrassing experience.
The Look
Slowly close your eyes, slightly tilt your head back and take a slow and deliberate deep breath. Since your eyes are closed and nobody can see, roll them deeply into the back of your head looking for an escape route which for some reason is always blocked off, and then begin singing in your mind the lyrics, ‘Welcome to my world, won’t you come on in…’
This pose is a necessity for everyday harmony. It’s my way to ‘engage the mechanism,’ much like Costner’s character does in 'For Love of the Game'. It actually works. Trust me I do it several times a day, every day.
Crouching Tiger, Holy Cow!
This pose requires two people. It can be accomplished if both people are relatively calm, but brings greater enlightenment if one happens to be in the throes of a meltdown.
First, situate yourself on the ground, couch, chair, or a bed, taking hold of your animated partner in a bear hug, wrapping your legs around theirs so they are in the fetal position. This should—should being the operative word—ensure that you don’t get kicked in sensitive areas.
While holding the grapple, exchange deep pressure hugs with your partner. Customarily you may need to initially coax the hugs from your partner by saying such things as, ‘I need a hug,’ ‘Is that all you’ve got, I need a hug,’ etc.
As the hugs are exchanged, move spontaneously and actively with the squirming movement of your partner, consuming their energy in the process. The motility of this pose may last anywhere from 2 minutes to 30 minutes in duration.
Greater enlightenment can be reached as you juggle the burden of hugging with the overwhelming need to flee the screaming in your ears—the ringing should go away after an hour.
This pose can be modified and performed in a moving car, at the mall, or toy aisle at the department store. However, such exercises should be left to experts, and you should anticipate that somebody called the police on you.
The Poker Face
aka: The Train Wreck or The Dumpster Fire
The pose is done by holding your face in your hands, while deeply rubbing your eyes and temples with the tips of your fingers. While doing this slowly shake your head from side to side.
Hold this pose until you see the humor of it all! Relax, that realization should come quickly.
WARNING: If the pose does not bring relief quickly, cheerfully transition your pose to Crying on the Inside.
Crying on the Inside
This pose is a modification of The Look.
With your eyes open, form your lips into a grimacing smile, while sensing the pit in your stomach that is building to a crescendo is about to erupt. Deep breaths, taken in through the nose are repeated, and the pose is held until you remember that you are the parent of a special needs child!
When the thought arrives, keep holding the pose until the realization of that thought dawns; YOU are the parent of a SPECIAL needs child!
Once that thought appears, take one last deep breath, and release. You should immediately feel the grimacing smile melt away to a prayer of thanks!
Thank you, Jeff!!
ReplyDeletethis. is. freaking. awesome.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Karine - "thank you"
You need to take this show on the road. Much better than Seinfeld even, and it actually accomplishes a wonderful purpose! Shell
ReplyDeleteAgreed, you need to share your talents with a larger audience. Not a "Charlie Sheen" audience but this stuff definitely needs to reach a larger demographic, to promote good will and understanding. We can call it, "Good Will Hunting" the "G" version.
ReplyDelete